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FROM THE TALES OF MOON MOUNTAIN • SET DOWN DELIGHT

A loud belch echoed through the still night air. Standing just inches away from a freshly made crater, a middle-aged Man crushed a beer can in his palm and dropped it to the ground. Reaching into his cargo shorts he produced another can, cracked it open and took a swig. He rubbed his eyes and looked towards the center of the crater once more. Partially embedded in the still smoldering earth sat a marvel of technological achievement - not of Earthly design. 

 

The machine was a perfect sphere, with external circuitry now crackling and sparking in its damaged state. Seemingly suspended in the center of the orb sat a sole vial of unidentifiable liquid. It glowed in an iridescent bath of emerald lights. The Man grumbled to himself something indistinguishable and stumbled forward, stepping off the short ledge and face-planting into the dirt with a beleaguered howl of pain. As he picked himself up, he found he was face-to-face with the alien machine. Its whirring grew louder, as if anticipation of the new visitor. 

The man stood up in a wobbly fashion and cursed at nobody in particular. His eye gleaned the vial now mere feet away. Without hesitation he plunged his hand forward and tore away the encased liquid. The whirring sound ceased. The night fell silent.

Then, from the void of space, he heard the Voice:

"You have claimed the one truest of flavors, savory as it is sweet, decadent as it is citrusy. A nectar of galaxies forever unknown to you - rounded with the lightest of creams, so ostentatious in their natural state that they would dissolve your taste receptors on contact."

 

Silence again as the man stood bewildered. He scanned his surroundings for the source of the voice before replying to what he assumed was nobody but the wind...

 

"Uhhh, who… said that-" The Voice interjected.

"We then crushed whole stars into a fine paste which we super-heated under your planet’s puny star until such that it is flakey and crisp. We then hyper-fused all of the magnificently purified ingredients in a hyperbolic time chamber for one HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FOUR OF YOUR MEASLY EARTH YEARS before it is ready to consume-"

Without waiting for the Voice to finish its diatribe, the Man uncorked the vial and drank the entire contents within a half second, then let out another belch. The machine buzzed violently.

"Did you just...you aren't supposed to DRINK it you fool! That was made for vaporization! Do you know what you've done!? This was the last sample we could achieve! Our entire species' life work! You've ruined it!"

The man stood silent for a moment more before replying. 

"So do I get like a ring or something? I don't feel powerful..."

After a few more minutes of silence the machine bellowed an ominous rumble.

"Self-destruct sequence activated"

"Self-destruct?"

The Man’s last words were simple as the blast scattered his molecules across the forest. All anybody would see or know of the greatest Key Lime Pie vape ever made was the mushroom cloud that loomed overhead that night.

Lost to them - but not to you! Check out Set Down Delight today for a sweet, creamy citrus treat that can't be matched.

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